FORGIVENESS | Part V ~ The Core Value Series

 

Have you ever found yourself playing over and over a scene in your mind? Wishing you had been better / different / stronger / kinder in some way? Maybe you’re re-living an argument or conflict with a friend or lover, or perhaps a job interview or special event that went badly.

The truth of the matter is that no amount of wishing or thinking is actually going to change what has happened.

 

It is what it is.

 

This doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to right the wrong, or make a brighter future – but it does mean that you are going to have to discover the ancient art of forgiveness.

 

According to the Oxford Dictionary forgiveness means:

“The action or process of forgiving”.

 

When we go on to look at the definition of forgive we find that it means:

“To stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake”.

 

After reflecting on forgiveness this month and my own experiences with forgiving myself and others I’ve come to realise that it’s something at the core of me that I value deeply.

 

I came up with 5 key parts to the process of forgiveness and they are – awareness, release, patience, love and finally integration. Here they are….

 

Awareness

Catching the mental re-run of the issue is the first important step. Practising mindfulness can assist with this as mindfulness encourages you to observe your thoughts almost from a distance so that you are aware of what you are actually thinking.

Once you get to this point of observing any angry / resentful thoughts that have arisen about the issue at hand you can consciously take a deep breath and say to yourself in the moment – ah yes! Old friend! There you are again, presenting yourself to help me learn. Thank you. But you know what old friend? Enough’s enough. I’m not going to beat myself / that person up about that ‘thing’ anymore. I’m aware of this pattern. I am conscious. I see you.

 

Release

There are many different ways to release old issues / drama once they have been brought to light in your conscious mind.

One of my favourites is to freehand write about the topic and then burn those notes on a full moon. Seriously!

You can also visualise cutting the emotional / energetic cords that connect you and the other person.

You can talk to the angels (if you’re into that sort of wu – he he) and personally I do call on Archangel Michael and his blue sword to cut through illusion and help to break the energetic cords.

Another powerful technique is to close your eyes and image sending the issue / drama / conflict into a hot air balloon and watching it rise and drift into the distance before it disappears from your sight altogether.

 

Patience

Being patient with yourself (if it’s you you have to forgive), or being patient with others (if you are working on forgiving someone else) is the next step.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to be ‘ok’ with something sooner than you feel ready. Appreciate that these things take time.

Breathe through it when you feel the anxiety or old feelings return at any stage.

 

Love for Self, Love for Others

I believe that love really is the antidote to all pain and human suffering. When we love ourselves enough then we naturally want to stop putting ourselves through pain or mental torture and we let it go.

When we love others enough and focus on their wellbeing and their true happiness then we realise it’s better that we focus on the moments we have with them now, moments in which we can create a new story or better experience.

 

Integration

The final part of the process involves stepping back and looking at the bigger picture.

How can you truly learn from what has happened?

How can you avoid more of this scenario in the future?

According to New Age thought leader Esther Hicks when it comes to personal evolution if you can ‘clean up’ your vibration around a particular topic or issue than technically you can evolve beyond it and leave that issue behind once and for all.

Sound good?

Hell yes!

It can be easier than it sounds though.

Sometimes forgiveness may take some counselling if there has been a betrayal or trauma, or perhaps some new skills in communication may need to be developed.

Journalling, therapy, dancing, shaking, crying or even screaming it out (in an appropriate place of course and preferably not at someone) are healthy ways to continue to emotionally process and integrate what you have learned on your journey into forgiveness.

 

I recently heard a beautiful take on forgiveness from super-inspiring coach and speaker Elizabeth Dialto of Untame the Wild Soul Woman Podcast fame. Her wise words were:

 

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope of a better past.”

 

This is so simple, yet so true! When we cling to the past, wishing we had behaved differently, or ‘they’ had behaved differently we only trap ourselves in the past and steal joy from now – from this moment.

 

Now why would you want to do that?

 

I also asked some beautiful entrepreneurial women what forgiveness meant to them and I just loved what they had to say.

 

When I asked the gorgeous Megan Gogoll – spirited writer, coach and the creative muse behind the Anxious Poet (and the Anxious Poet Podcast) for her thoughts on forgiveness she shared these incredibly wise words…

 

“Forgiveness isn’t about not looking back, its about being able to look back and say “I can see the reason behind this and why this happened for me. I take the lessons learned with me, and I lovingly let all the residual pain go.”

 

I love this perspective because letting go and then focusing on the learning can provide such incredible insights.

 

The lovely Rachael Kable, mindfulness mentor and creator of the Mindful Kind Podcast also shared her take on forgiveness – here’s what she had to say…

 

“Forgiveness is a beautiful way to show ourselves self-love, compassion and acceptance. I forgive myself daily for the things my mind perceives to be “wrong”, whether it’s falling from a yoga pose, watching more than one episode of my favourite tv show or burning the toast! The beautiful space created by forgiveness is where the learning and growing can occur.”

 

Yes! Put simply, forgiveness is a daily practice. It’s not a one-off thing you can save for that full moon ritual, or when you have hit rock bottom. It’s something you must work on consistently, even with the small things like burnt toast.

 

With the right mix of awareness, letting go, patience, self love, and integration, it really is possible to forgive, (and maybe even forget? Wait up, let’s not get ahead of ourselves ha ha.)

 

So I ask, who are you ready to forgive?

What steps can you take to start the healing today?

Much love,

 

 

Please hit share if you know someone that needs to read these words today or post your comments below! Contact me if you feel you want to share your personal story of forgiveness I would love to hear from you.