A Buddhist Teaching | Understanding The Self-Cherishing Mind

 

I had a profound moment of awakening this week after attending a meditation class at the Matreiya Kadampa Buddhist Centre. I have had an intermittent meditation practise at home for the last decade, but this was the first formal class I had been to in almost 2 years.

I felt so drawn to be there on this particular day – almost like I was called to go just this one last time before the arrival of bub!

As it turned out, everything the resident teacher Kelsang Luma spoke of was incredibly relevant to the events of my week. The session was about improving relationships, and more specifically identifying the self-cherishing mind. It dawned on me during this session that I often slipped in and out of this self-cherishing mind-state without awareness.

So just what is the self-cherishing mind? This is one of the negative mind-states according to Buddhist philosophy.

It is a mind-state characterised by:

• excessive cherishing of one’s own thoughts and desires
• viewing one’s own happiness as being more important than the happiness of others.

In her 90 minute session of guided meditation and teaching, Kelsang Luma explored the epidemic of unhappiness in Western culture. In her words, we are unhappy and suffering immensely because we are so busy striving for happiness.

Luckily, the antidote to this suffering is surrender. We must give up our desire to be happy. When we surrender our own desires and focus on the happiness of others and how we can better serve others, we suffer far less and in actual fact may even discover that happiness is a pleasant side effect.

We commonly hear advertising slogans encouraging us to find more ‘me-time’ or take time out for ourselves to do what we want to do. This is the epitomy of self-cherishing.

Now it’s absolutely true, we do need to look after ourselves. In fact if we allow ourselves to become ill, run down or stressed then we are in no position to aid others.

But perhaps we could look at our usual habits of thinking and assess how much time we think about ourselves in a day versus how often we think of others?

In Western culture it has become increasingly common to focus on yourself as number one, to prioritise ‘my goals, my dreams, my needs’.

Now – I would like to clarify this point here – I do believe in dreams and having a vision in many ways. I think it’s beneficial to work towards creating a life that is meaningful, for yourself and for others. It’s valuable to leave a legacy and help people in some way, no matter how big or small.

But can we catch ourselves before we take it too far and begin to self-cherish? Can we develop the awareness to stop our thinking before the ego starts to take hold?

The ego is the opposite of your higher self – it’s that little voice that whispers in your mind that you need to keep striving for more and continue searching for your own happiness, possibly at the expense of others’ happiness.

I loved the example Kelsang used to illustrate the difference between the self-cherishing mind and the mind that cherishes others….

Imagine a person lying on a couch, resting.

This person has two choices in that moment – the first choice is for them to be completely absorbed with his/her own thoughts and desires (whether these thoughts are positive or negative is irrelevant, they are still self-cherishing).

The second choice, is for this person to be thinking about helping others instead, about how they could help the world.

This latter, altruistic mindset is a beautiful thing, and if we could all begin to practice cultivating a mind that cherishes others more, just think how beautiful a place the world might become.

This lesson has had such an impact on me this week and I can feel the ripple effect already.

I have always lived the life of a healer / helper, with a strong desire to help others. As the youngest of 5 children, being helpful was a useful trait to have from early on, as it meant I could chip in and help my family to achieve common goals. Being helpful in this manner was consistently rewarded, so I became accustomed to an attitude of helping. As my adult self, I still find great reward in helping others.

At this stage in my life, with a swollen belly and babe on the way I am having to withdraw from physically helping others, something I have found challenging on a number of levels. As a physiotherapist and naturopath I have become accustomed to helping with both hands-on and emotional care. Now, no longer able to do this, I have had to find other ways to help.

Maybe that’s why I have poured myself into writing, as it’s one way that I can still reach out, touch someone’s heart, inspire a small personal insight or facilitate someone’s growth. If this is why you read my work, then thank you. I love writing for you and I love the impact that blogging and whole-hearted writing can have!

Personally, going forward now, with increasing mindfulness about the negative side of self-cherishing, I vow to take these new insights forward on the path. I do feel that my health is a priority, for baby’s sake. Baby needs the best temple, mumma needs to be that temple. Baby needs (and will need) lots of cherishing, mumma needs to be that beacon of light for baby now.

As a result you may find my blogging habits change for a while, as I ground myself in love for my baby and our family, focus on good health and turn inwards for this most beautiful and exciting chapter. I write this with a tear (!) and so much love in my heart.

I look forward to sharing more of the journey with you lovely one…. and I hope this inspires you to cherish the people who cross your path just a little more.