by In life sometimes we can feel pulled in so many directions. At these times, when we feel overwhelmed, overcomitted or stressed, its really important to step back and look at the big picture….
Are you living out your dreams? Or are you simply helping someone else to live out theirs (ie your boss, your partner, your children)?
Being selfless is a beautiful thing, (putting others needs and wants first) but it’s essential to remember that YOU are the captain of YOUR ship – so just where are you headed? Rough seas or smooth sailing? The land of fulfilment or destination despair?!
As a healer or helper, life is an intricate balance of helping others and working with others – it does require being part of a team. Things can break down however when the demands all become one-sided. When was the last time you asked for help? When was the last time you had your needs met? Do you even know what you need? (We can become very skilled at identifying exactly what will help another, but cannot always identify our own needs well!)
Like many healers and helpers I have fallen into the trap of caring so much about the needs and wants of others that I forget to care for myself. Oops. Now that I am carrying a child and caring for both of us, it has become apparent that I still have some learning to do. Putting our needs first is even more important.
Recently I called my mum, on the verge of a meltdown (knowing she would talk some sense into me) and after a good chat about life and priorities I felt a lot better. Later that night I received this text from her…. “My sweet Lizzy, you are slowly learning that you must think of your wellbeing’. It is something you have been practising when healing other people. Isn’t it time to heal you?” Mum is always right.
So how can we make sure our needs are met?
Work Out Your Needs
1. MAKE A LIST OF YOUR SELF-CARE NEEDS
For me, it’s essential that I regularly connect with the earth so walks in nature are a must. As a mumma-to-be I also need to find more time to simply rest, read a book, write from my soul (for you to enjoy!) and have adventures with the people I love.
2. GET CLEAR ON HOW MUCH YOU NEED
Work out what you ideally need in a day, a week, a month. Schedule it in and stick with it. Think of it as a date with yourself!
Negotiate with Others
3. TALK TO PEOPLE
Think about people you may need to discuss this with – it could be your employer, family members or friends. You may have to negotiate ‘time out’ especially if young children are involved.
4. SET BOUNDARIES
Set boundaries with clients, family and friends. Think about how much of your time you are willing to give up. Are you going to be accessible on weekends? Are you going to carve out this time instead for pursuit of your passions? I cannot underestimate the importance of healthy relationships – and they will always be health-ier when you feel good, rested, inspired and ready to give your 100%. Don’t be afraid to say no! Especially if you have unrealistic demands placed on you at short notice.
Develop New Self-Care Habits
5. MAKE HABITS THAT STICK
Once you begin to notice how good you feel when you do take care of yourself, it will be easier to continue carving out time for you. When others in your life see the results, they too will want to support you to feel your best. When you feel good and look after yourself, you really shine, and others can see this! Keep at it, it takes 30 days to create a new habit.
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